Age Tea Towels

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'How To Know When You're Getting Old...' Tea Towel

How To Know When You're Getting Old - One of our most popular verses making light of the signs of old age.Can be used as a Tea Towel or pinned as a wall hanging."Everything hurts! What doesn't hurt doesn't work.The gleam in your eye is the sun shining on your bi-focals.You feel like the morning after, but you haven't been anywhere.Your Children begin to look middle aged.You join a health club, but you don't go.A dripping tap causes an uncontrollable urge.You have all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.You look forward to a dull evening.You need glasses to find your glasses.You turn out the light for economy instead of romance.You are in a rocking chair, but can't make it go.Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.Your back goes out more than you do.Your house is too big, your medicine box is not big enough.You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.Your Birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles!

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'I'm Fine Thank You' Tea Towel

I'm Fine Thank You - A Tea Towel which can be used, or pinned on the wall.There is nothing the matter with me,I'm as healthy as can be.I have arthritis in both my kneesAnd when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.Sleep is denied me night after night,But every morning I find I'm alright.My memory is failing, my head's in a spin,But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.How do you know my youth is all spent?Well, my "get up and go" has got up and went.But I really don't mind when I think with a grin,Of all the grand places my "get up" has bin."Old age is golden" I've heard it said,But sometimes I wonder as I get into bed,With my ears in the drawer, my teeth in a cup,My eyes on the table until I wake up.'Ere sleep overtakes me, I say to myself,"Is there anything else I could lay on the shelf?"When I was young my slippers were red,I could kick my heels over my head.When I was older my slippers were blue,But I could still dance the whole night through.Now I am old my slippers are black,I walk to the store and puff my way back.I get up each morning and dust off my wits,And pick up the paper and read the "Obits"If my name is still missing I know I'm not dead, So I have a good breakfast- and face what's ahead!"

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'Join The Club' Tea Towel

Join The Club - A funny verse on a tea towel which can be used, or pinned to the wall.Just a line to say I'm living,That I'm not amongst the dead.Though I'm getting more forgetfulAnd mixed up in the head.I've got used to my arthritis,To my dentures I'm resigned.I can cope with my bi-focalsBet - ye gods - I miss my mind.Sometimes I can't rememberWhen I'm standing by the stairs,If I'm going up for something,Or have just come down from there.And before the fridge so oftenMy mind is full of doubt;Now did I put some food away,Or come to take some out?If it's not my turn to write dearI hope you won't get sore.I think I might have writtenAnd don't want to be a bore,But remember I do love you,And wish that you lived near,But now it's time to mail thisAnd say "goodbye my dear".I'm standing beside the mail boxAnd my face - it sure is red.Instead of posting this to youI've opened it instead!"

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'Join The Club' Tea Towel

Join The Club - A funny verse on a tea towel which can be used, or pinned to the wall.Just a line to say I'm living,That I'm not amongst the dead.Thou...
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'Senior Moments' Tea Towel

Senior Moments - One of our best sellers!Can be used as a Tea Towel or pinned as a wall hanging.When you reach a "certain age" you discover that you look at life slightly differently! For example;You stop looking forward to your next birthday.You burn the midnight oil after 9.00pm.You remember today, that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.You regret all those temptations you resisted.You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it's leaning against the wrong wall.You get winded playing chess.You just can't stand people who are intolerant.For women; you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.For men; you find that the little grey haired lady you help across the road is your wife.You're 17 around the neck, 44 around the waist and 105 around the golf course.Police officers and Doctors look as if they should still be in school uniform.You start a sentence but forget what you.....Senior Moments are also a pre-occupation with the "hereafter"!Wherever you are, in the kitchen, the hall, the bathroom or the bedroom, you're always asking yourself - "What am I hereafter?"H Lloyd-Jones

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'Senior Moments' Tea Towel

Senior Moments - One of our best sellers!Can be used as a Tea Towel or pinned as a wall hanging.When you reach a "certain age" you discover that you l...
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'To Hell With Growing Old' Tea Towel

To Hell With Growing Old - Another one of our top-selling verses.Can be used as a Tea Towel or pinned as a wall hanging"Old! Who's old?You're only as old as you feel.They say I'm slowing downI'm growing grey,But I'm getting younger every day.To hell with growing old!Old! Who's old?Maybe I'm at that awkward stageI'm gaining weight I'm wearing beige,But I'm not about to act my age.To hell with growing old!Old! Who's old?I'm sorry but I can't agreeAs long as I've got breath in meI'm going to live my life ungracefully!Vivaciously!! Outrageously!!!Three cheers for immortality.To hell with growing old."Rodd Trott

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'Warning' (When I am an Old Woman...) Tea Towel

"Warning" BBC Poem of the Year Winner, and voted the nation's favourite post-war poem, by Jenny Joseph.This Tea Towel can be used or pinned to the wall... the perfect gift for that friend who wants to grow old disgracefully! "WARNING""When I am an old woman I shall wear purpleWith a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me.And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer glovesAnd satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired,And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,And run my stick along the public railings,And make up for the sobriety of my youth.I shall go out in my slippers in the rainAnd pick the flowers in other people's gardens,And learn to spit.You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,And eat three pounds of sausages at a goOr only bread and pickle for a weekAnd hoard pens and pencils and beer mats and things in boxes.But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,And pay our rent and not swear in the street,And set a good example for the children.We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.But maybe I ought to practice a little now?So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised,When suddenly I am old and start to wear purple."

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'What is a Senior Citizen?' Tea Towel

What is a Senior Citizen? - One of our most popular titles!Can be used as a tea towel or pinned to a wall. An ideal gift for a friend with a sense of humour! "A Senior Citizen is one who was here before;the pill, television, frozen foods,contact lenses, credit cards .....and before man walked on the moon.For us, "Time Sharing" meant togetherness,not holiday homes,and a "chip" meant a piece of wood."Hardware" meant nuts and bolts,and "Software" wasn't even a word.We got married first, then lived together,and thought cleavage was something butchers did.A "stud" was something that fastened a collar to a shirt, and "going all the way" meant staying on a double decker to the bus depot.We thought "fast food" was what you ate in Lent;a "Big Mac" was an oversized raincoatand "crumpet" we had for tea.In our day; "grass" was mown, "pot" was something you cooked in,"coke" was kept in the coal house anda "joint" was cooked on Sundays!We are today's SENIOR CITIZENS.A hardy bunch when you thinkhow the world has changed!

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